


miss a chance at what I could become

by yeswayappianway



Category: DCU (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Everyone is Queer, Friendship, Gen, Platonic Cuddling, Pride, Queer Themes, San Francisco, background Cassie Sandsmark/Original Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28707360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeswayappianway/pseuds/yeswayappianway
Summary: "That’s a great idea! We can go in, like… casual costume. The Titans can support Pride, right? Straight celebrities show up at Pride all the time.” Cassie says. Her eyes are bright and she’s grinning again.It’s not the worst idea, Tim thinks, although he doesn’t know if Bruce would approve of Robin making a public appearance at Pride. Luckily, it’s not Bruce’s call. It’s not anyone's call but Tim’s and— he wants to do this, he realizes.
Relationships: Bart Allen & Tim Drake & Kon-El | Conner Kent & Cassie Sandsmark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 62





	miss a chance at what I could become

**Author's Note:**

> i started this... on the muni ride home from Dyke March two years in 2019. i've been working on it sporadically since then, usually when i got very Big Feelings about either queerness or san francisco. this fic is spiritually dedicated to all my friends from SF, none of whom will see this, presumably. it's also dedicated to nic, for unintentionally giving me a lot of feelings about san francisco. ilu.
> 
> title from arrow, by half-alive (shoutout to [ this tim drake playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3UqNauFtG3pZp3QPovundz) i found a while ago)
> 
> please note: Dyke March is the official name of an event. the only times that word is used in this story is for the name of said event. check out the end notes for more context about the history of Dyke Marches

It’s Cassie’s idea, but Kon’s the one who gets the most into it.

“Hell _yes_ , we should go to Pride!” he says enthusiastically when Cassie mentions it. Bart is just as enthusiastic, although he seems more excited about a giant street party, as Kon describes it, than it specifically being Pride.

Tim feels like an asshole, but if he doesn’t say it, he doesn’t know who will. “Guys, that sounds fun and all, but… we can’t. Someone might recognize us.”

“So what?” Cassie shrugs. “So we get some shitty interview questions next time we have to do Titans publicity, big deal.” Tim notices the way her shoulders go tight, in contrast with her carefree tone, and he wonders what her mom thinks of Pride, if she’s talked to her mom about this. It doesn’t change his point.

“Are you going to go as Cassie, or as Wonder Girl?” he asks. They don’t seem to have noticed yet. They don’t cover their faces, Tim thinks, a little bitterly. Of course he knows he needs his secret identity, he literally couldn’t be Robin without it, but sometimes he resents the easy way the rest of them can go out and get noticed, the way Kon’s costume is literally just a t-shirt and jeans.

Kon’s the one who shrugs. “Does it matter?”

Tim pulls an expression he thinks of as his Bruce face. It mostly just involves looking as menacingly neutral as he can manage—which he’s been assured is quite a lot for as young as he looks.

“Oh,” Bart says, making a face. “You have to keep your secret identity, so if we all went secretly, and someone recognized some of us, your cover would be blown, but that’s okay, we can just all go in costume!”

“Wait, what?” Kon asks, sounding bewildered, but Cassie brightens up again.

“No, that’s a great idea! We can go in, like… casual costume. The Titans can support Pride, right? Straight celebrities show up at Pride all the time.” Cassie says. Her eyes are bright and she’s grinning again.

It’s not the worst idea, Tim thinks, although he doesn’t know if Bruce would approve of Robin making a public appearance at Pride. Luckily, it’s not Bruce’s call. It’s not anyone's call but Tim’s and— he wants to do this, he realizes.

“Alright,” Tim says.

Cassie opens her mouth, and then blinks. “Wait, what? You’re agreeing?”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Tim says, “Sure. I want to go, I just need to make sure I’m not compromising my identity for one day.” He hates being the responsible one all the time, and he hates even more that his team seems to take it as a given. Pride though… Tim’s always wanted to go to Pride. Wayne Enterprises has always been one of the biggest corporate sponsors of Gotham’s Pride Parade, but it’s not like his parents ever went, and the last couple years, Tim’s been pretty busy.

Kon wraps an arm around his shoulders and grins. “Hell yeah, the Teen Titans take Pride. It’ll be fucking awesome, just you wait,” and Tim lets himself smile.

\-----

It’s loud, it’s colorful, it’s overwhelming, and Tim… Tim can’t decide if he wants to go home immediately or live here forever. They’re perched on a cement wall near Montgomery station, having jostled their way up by virtue of two people with super strength gently muscling their way in and Tim and Bart not taking up much space. They’ve been there for over an hour and the parade stretches on as far as they can see in both directions, endless waves of rainbow-covered people holding signs and riding on floats and dancing and cheering and tossing out beads and flags and stickers.

Kon is wearing his black and red Superboy shirt, but he’s put his old leather jacket over it and styled his hair and he’s wearing the tightest jeans Tim has ever seen, complete with artful rips all up and down the front of them. Tim kind of wants to give him shit about it, but Kon’s clearly having the time of his life. Cassie’s got her Wonder Girl top on, with shorts so short Tim’s mildly amazed anyone can keep their eyes off her ass, and rainbow sneakers. She’d looked especially proud of them when she showed up this morning, and it’s not like they aren’t surrounded by people wearing way less. In fact, they’re not even the only people wearing superhero logos. Tim’s been taking pictures of everyone who walks by with rainbow Batman logos and sending them to Dick, who’s been replying with increasingly long strings of thumbs up emojis.

Bart’s just wearing his Kid Flash costume with the hood down, although he’s kept the goggles on, and a pair of bright purple pants that Tim assumes he borrowed from Gar. They clash horribly with his outfit and his hair, but he seems to be having a good time, jumping down off the wall to go explore, and darting back, all at mostly human speeds. This time when he runs back, he’s carrying rainbow leis, and he throws them over all their heads. “Happy Pride!” he cheers, clambering up behind Tim and throwing his arms around Kon and Cassie’s shoulders. Cassie laughs and Kon theatrically smacks a kiss onto Bart’s cheek. Tim fiddles with the plastic flowers. He’s having trouble figuring out how to act. He hadn’t even known what to wear, but Cassie had solved that problem, showing up with a green and red hoodie. She’d grabbed one of his old logos and stuck it in place then held the hoodie out to Tim. He pulled it on over his jeans and t-shirt, and readjusted his mask.

“Say cheese!” Cassie had crowed, and snapped a selfie of them all.

Now, Tim has his hands stuck in his pockets as he looks around. He wishes he had his camera, but all he’s got is his phone, and he can admit to himself that he’s enough of a snob that he feels like phone pictures don’t count in the same way. Tim misses developing film. He wonders briefly if he could set up a darkroom at Titans Tower.

\-----

When they get back to Titans Tower, Vic takes one look at them, covered in glitter and looking faintly shell-shocked, and says, “So you went to Pride, huh?”

Kon nods.

Gar pouts. “Why didn’t you ask us to go with you?”

Cassie looks at Tim. “Because we didn’t… think of it?” she says blankly.

\-----

\-----

“So, what do you think? We doing Pride again this year?” Bart says, slung upside down over a couch, kicking his feet in the air.

“We could,” Kon says, but it’s not up to his normal level of enthusiasm.

Tim makes a face. “Pride was fun last year, but it was kind of overwhelming. And loud. And crowded.”

“What about…” Cassie starts, and then trails off. She’s looking at something on her phone, and she holds it up to them as she says, “Uh, Dyke March? Lots of people say it’s like Pride but more chill. My… friend told me about it.”

Tim raises an eyebrow, and Kon looks delighted. “Cassie, do you have a _girlfriend_?”

Cassie turns bright red. “No! She’s just a friend. Who’s a girl. It’s not a big deal,” she protests.

“Then why’s she in your phone with three hearts?” Bart asks. Cassie makes an outraged noise and lunges at Bart, who’s zoomed up to grab her phone from her hand. Kon snickers and shakes his head.

Tim googles while they bicker. It looks like Cassie’s right, and Tim likes the idea of going to hang out in a park way more than heading into the mass of humanity that was downtown Pride last year. He does some more searching, ignoring Cassie tackling Bart into Kon, who goes down in a heap. According to the website, Dyke March is open to everyone for the celebration in the park during the day, it’s just the march that’s specifically for… not men. If he’s being honest, Tim’s a little uncomfortable with going to something he’s not sure he’s allowed to say the name of, but for all that Pride last year had been overwhelming, there was something about the atmosphere that Tim craves more than he really knows how to put into words.

\-----

The bus turns a corner and Kon nearly tips over on top of him, but manages to keep himself mostly upright. Tim's not exactly sure why they're on a bus, but they are. It's alright. It's kind of fun, trying to pick out who else on the bus is heading to Dolores Park too. There's a few people at the front of the bus who Tim would bet money on being tourists, but there's a group of college-aged people carrying a cooler and a big blanket and one of them is wearing a denim jacket covered in pins. Generally, Tim doesn't believe in the concept of gaydar, but he's also wearing his best cuffed jeans and lightly floral button up, so. He's not exactly unfamiliar with the signaling going on here.

It's weird if he stops to think about it. Tim doesn't know if he's ever gone out with the Titans while not in costume, and… he finds himself thinking of this outfit like another costume. He kind of wants to ask the others if they're feeling the same way. Kon is actually wearing his glasses for once, and he's also added the most obnoxiously rainbow knit hat he could find. He's once again rocking the leather jacket, but he's traded the S logo for a bright pink shirt.

Cassie had dragged Kory up to her room in the Tower last night and they'd been gone for hours, which had been explained when Cassie showed up for breakfast this morning with her hair a bright, shocking blue, except for the shaved section at the nape of her neck. "I've already got the practice fighting in a wig," she said as Bart and Gar crowded around her hair, oohing and ahhing. The older Titans had sent them along to have fun, although Tim's pretty sure they had their own plans they were keeping quiet about.

It's just the three of them on the bus, because not even team camaraderie and people-watching could convince Bart to take public transportation. He's promised to meet them at the bus stop, which Tim is a little worried about but he's trying to take it easy today. Tim isn't in costume. He's not even wearing a suit. He's just… just Tim. Which is harder than it sounds. He doesn't know the last time he's been just Tim, and he's never been Tim, queer guy going to Dyke March with friends before. He's been watching Cassie absently running her hand through her new undercut and Kon switching between shoving his hands in his jacket and jeans pockets. Maybe it's not just him, he thinks.

The bus stops, the same announcement plays, and two people in rainbow tutus get on. Tim smiles and doesn't stop himself.

\-----

"This is great," Bart says from where he's lazily sprawled across Tim's legs. "Why don't we do this all the time?"

Kon rolls his eyes. "Pride only comes once a year, speed brain."

"Yeah, but we could go to parks! We could have picnics!"

Tim doesn't think it would be the same at all, but it's not a horrible idea. "We could," he says quietly. It's warm and sunny and it feels like all of Dolores Park is full of joyful people wearing bright colored clothing and playing music and laughing with each other. San Francisco is spread out in front of them and Tim keeps finding his eyes drawn to the skyline. Titans Tower isn't visible from here, and it's… it's like they really are just another group of teenagers. Even Bart has slowed down to bask in the sun.

Cassie had gone off with her not-a-girlfriend, so it's just the three of them. "Hey," Kon says, and there's a bit of an edge to his voice. Tim automatically classifies it as nerves. "Wanna cuddle? Everyone else is doing it." Ah, not just nerves, then. Embarrassment too. Tim tells his inner detective monologue to shut up.

"Sure, come here," is all Tim says, and then, "Bart, you good there?" Bart just shifts so he's fully laying across Tim's legs. Kon is a little hesitant when he gets closer, but he sits down behind Tim and flops forward to throw his arms over Tim's shoulders, his whole body pressed up along Tim's back. He might even be using his TTK to be a little less heavy, which is honestly adorable.

It's so warm. The scent of weed drifts through the whole park, and Tim knows it's not concentrated enough to affect any of them, but the whole vibe is vaguely unreal. People walking by in completely everyday clothes alternating with people in iridescent chainmail bikinis and duct-tape ballgowns, the faint sounds of someone singing from the stage across the park, even the periodic rumble of Muni becomes a signal of the ever-increasing crush of people spilling into the park.

Everywhere Tim looks there are people kissing and hugging. There's plenty of people sitting around talking or eating, and even some who are throwing frisbees around, but the number of obviously not straight couples and the general affection in the air feels infectious. He can't think of another time he's been in public and no part of his brain is worrying about if they're standing out.

Sometimes Tim feels himself analyzing. It used to be one of the reasons he liked using his camera and taking pictures—it gave him an excuse to separate himself from what was going on, to parcel it out into distinct scenes and identify which parts were the most memorable, the most perfectly picturesque. Tim has a lot of memories of thinking that what was happening should be important. This, though, this just is. Tim reaches up and loosely wraps his hand around Kon's arm.

"This is nice," Kon says. He sounds the same flavor of satisfied and content that Tim does. "S'cool not feeling like I need to do anything."

"Just vibing!" Bart says from Tim's legs. Tim laughs. It feels weird, the way he can feel Kon's back against his as he does. It's good. Tim never wants this to end.

\-----

When they make it back to Titans Tower this time, all the older Titans are milling around in the main room. _All_ of them.

"Dick!" Tim shouts, and doesn't let himself get embarrassed about throwing himself at Dick to give him a hug.

"Hey Timmy," Dick laughs as he catches him. When Tim pulls back, he sees that Dick is covered in glitter and has a small trans flag heart painted on his cheek.

"Going out?" Tim asks.

Gar is the one who answers. "We're following your lead from last year." They are, too—all of them are wearing civilianified versions of their costumes, with extra additions of pride pins and patches and, in Raven's case, a rainbow striped flag.

Kon dramatically flops onto the couch. "You kids have fun," he says. His shit-eating grin only gets wider when Vic flips him off. 

Darting around the room, Bart seems to be giving everyone hi-fives. "Happy Pride!" he chirps.

Now that they're back inside, Tim can feel the sunburn he'd gotten earlier, the warmth radiating from his skin. It's going to be a pain tomorrow, but for now, it just feels like he's earned something.

The older Titans head for the door. Dick waves over his shoulder at them, and Gar shouts back, "Don't wait up!"

It's quieter when they leave, but Tim just heads for the couch that Kon is already sinking into. "My turn," he says, and lies down across the whole couch, which puts his head on Kon's thighs. Tim can't keep his eyes open, but he's pretty sure he feels Bart tuck his feet under Tim's legs as Tim drifts off.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me in the comments about pride, or san francisco, or how the titans are all best friends and dc cannot convince me otherwise!
> 
> my experience with Dyke March was pretty similar to tim's here, but it's important to note that in addition to being a big gay party at dolores park, it's also an explicitly non-commercial (no sponsors) and protest-oriented march. Here's [an article about the history of Dyke Marches](https://www.queerevents.ca/queer-corner/blog/history/history-dyke-march) and also [a link to the SF Dyke March website](https://www.thedykemarch.org/about), both of which give a lot of context that i have left out.


End file.
